cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
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