I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
