I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
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