So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
You've changed since you got that strap on
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
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