we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
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