I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
