If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
