Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
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