you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
