After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
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