so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
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