Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Randomize
