we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
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