Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
we're so committed to being not committed
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
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