Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize
