Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
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