Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
I got her a Nickelback box set.
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
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