I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
Randomize
