return my video game
I am puke
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
Randomize
