3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
my shit smells like andre
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
How does it feel to date your dad?
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
Randomize
