Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
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