i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
