Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
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