you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
Randomize
