apparently the secret to your success is patron
I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Randomize
