We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
