I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
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