My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
he's gonorrhea incarnate
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
Floor bacon is actually really good
Then you guys just all showered together...?
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
Randomize
