So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Randomize
