I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
Randomize
