It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Randomize