please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Randomize
