My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
