I wish I could punch you in the face.
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
Randomize
