You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
Randomize
