You're completely useless in the revolution.
Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
Randomize
