oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
Randomize
