Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Randomize
