Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
I think I died a long time ago.
Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
Randomize
