I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
Another day, another engagement, another cat
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
