I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
Randomize
