i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
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