In the future we'll all be gay
watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
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