he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
Randomize
