But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
Randomize
