Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
Randomize
