real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
i think we sleep fucked last night...
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