tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
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