this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
Randomize
