grandma shit on top of the toilet
I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
