shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
Did I miss anything?
A gay irish pirate, a caveman and hunter s tompson.
so we also did drugs
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
You've changed since you got that strap on
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
Randomize
