i permit you to call me
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
Randomize
