marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
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