Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
Randomize
