Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
Randomize
