I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
Randomize
