There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
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