My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
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