if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
Randomize
