What a fucking waste of an outfit
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
Randomize
