the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
Randomize
