Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
everyone is single if you try hard enough
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
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