Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
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