Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
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