Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
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