end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
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