I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
