I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
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