we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
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