turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
