allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
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