I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
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