I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Randomize
