I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
Randomize
