He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
that is very illegal...i love you.
Randomize
