if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
Randomize
