theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
Randomize
