You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
It's just like the Real World with babies
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
Randomize
