Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
Randomize
