There is too much vodka and too much dick.
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
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