There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Randomize
