looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
Your topless pictures make me question reality
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
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