seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize