ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize
